结尾段原文：
Then why study in UK? As many may wonder. Well, it is a long story to tell but I’d like to make things shorter. I have received the idea of developing myself as a whole person since at very young age. So, from the first year of my university life on I have traveled to many countries, such as the UK, Holland and other parts in Europe, to see the big world. During my trips, I met and talked with countless western people, felt various great cultures and I was deeply touched by English education when in the UK. I was being enormously amazed by how different it can be between China and the West in terms of perspectives of education. I thirsted for owning a chance to experience different academic cultures. Coincidentally my sister is also studying in UK and from her I heard about many beautiful elements of this grand metropolis. I am longing for witnessing the A, B, C and D. From the deep bottom of my heart, dear UK, please take me, like a gracious teacher takes a thirst-for-learning student. I shall be all prepared to dance on this splendid international stage!
评价：
1. 大量重复繁冗内容陈述对所申请国家的向往，是结尾段误区之一
2. 对比中外教育， 是结尾段误区之二
3. 以认识朋友/教授/家人为申请理由是结尾段误区之三
4. 恳求语气/比心跪求对方录取是结尾段误区之四
结尾段修改后：
The Department of X at X has long been dedicated to developing innovative solutions to the world’s most pressing challenges in X fields. Your professors and students are committed to looking for possible sources of alternative energy while making current ones more sustainable, an endeavor that parallels my vision. There are over eight prominent professors who stay at the forefront of studying A, B and C. Working with them would equip me with both subject-specific knowledge and integrative understanding across a variety of energy issues. In addition, X’s research centers, especially the A, promote energy innovations by providing university-wide interdisciplinary research and national or international collaborations. Therefore, I will have more access to academic exchanges and cross-university
Then why study in UK? As many may wonder. Well, it is a long story to tell but I’d like to make things shorter. I have received the idea of developing myself as a whole person since at very young age. So, from the first year of my university life on I have traveled to many countries, such as the UK, Holland and other parts in Europe, to see the big world. During my trips, I met and talked with countless western people, felt various great cultures and I was deeply touched by English education when in the UK. I was being enormously amazed by how different it can be between China and the West in terms of perspectives of education. I thirsted for owning a chance to experience different academic cultures. Coincidentally my sister is also studying in UK and from her I heard about many beautiful elements of this grand metropolis. I am longing for witnessing the A, B, C and D. From the deep bottom of my heart, dear UK, please take me, like a gracious teacher takes a thirst-for-learning student. I shall be all prepared to dance on this splendid international stage!
评价：
1. 大量重复繁冗内容陈述对所申请国家的向往，是结尾段误区之一
2. 对比中外教育， 是结尾段误区之二
3. 以认识朋友/教授/家人为申请理由是结尾段误区之三
4. 恳求语气/比心跪求对方录取是结尾段误区之四
结尾段修改后：
The Department of X at X has long been dedicated to developing innovative solutions to the world’s most pressing challenges in X fields. Your professors and students are committed to looking for possible sources of alternative energy while making current ones more sustainable, an endeavor that parallels my vision. There are over eight prominent professors who stay at the forefront of studying A, B and C. Working with them would equip me with both subject-specific knowledge and integrative understanding across a variety of energy issues. In addition, X’s research centers, especially the A, promote energy innovations by providing university-wide interdisciplinary research and national or international collaborations. Therefore, I will have more access to academic exchanges and cross-university
